Things are not good. I have lost respect for you . I am not attracted to you anymore. I don’t want to have sex with you , I don’t even like to kiss on you. Now you have pinched my nipple?? What the fuck ?? How disrespectful can you be? I am to the point where I have to make my self care. I want to get a good enough job so I can be back on my feet and not have you here.  i hve to say that i wont miss you. i will be glad to be alone again. less i will have to take care of. what i dont like;  you wont help out around the house, your not acting as my husband/ partner, you want to be disabled so you have an accuse to be lazy, you wont get a job, you are self serving, do things for your self because of your own feelings and disregard  what anyone else likes or wants. i am tired of being your mom. i am tired of sleeping on the couch. i am married and dont have a husband i have someone in my way. your holding me back from doing the things i want. being with you has made me undo all the things that i have worked so hard for. i want my life back the way it was. you need to go back to living with your grandma and take care of her cause you wont take care of me. it is where your heart is. you think saying "I love you" a few times a day is enough. i dont want to hear it anymore.  you dont even show it. you dont know how to show it  the way i need. we are way too different and i am tired of pointing out our differences.  i dont see us getting better i only see me getting madder at you.  ok i am hungry and tired so i will stop for now.

 

 well i do have children who says i didnt use my hands. lol. i have made jewlery, a wedding dress, a midevil dress, many other clothes, blankets, candles, lots of differnt foods, baked goods, i like doing things with my hands, keeping busy is the key.  oh and  not paying attention to my husband  as much as possible is also important.

Tags: hand made, hpartsandcrafts2, what do you have to say?, writer's block

 

Tags: hpcareer2, inspire create, what do you have to say?, writer's block

 i want to be a travel nurse. nomadic , paid to see and take care of the world.  how about single? i want that back.

Tags: grow up, hpcareer2, what do you have to say?, writer's block

was able to sleep in my bed last night. he slept in his daughters bed  cause she was at her moms. it was soooo nice.  he was only here for maybe an hour this morning and then home after 7 pm. it was nice having the house like it used to be before him. i miss having my house to my self. my daughter was over  with the kids most of the day. we whent fo ra long bike ride with the kids, fed the ducks then came home and bar-b-qued steak. had a nice day. and then  he came home with his daughter and as soon as i hear his door shut out side i get a knot in my tumy. i wonder what the hell is going to happen this time.  on a regular basis he  anoyes me. he hangs out  and does nothing all day at home. ok not nothing, he will watch tv mouth breath so loud i cant hear the tv, he drinks pepsi 10-20 ( no joke) a day. we can go through a case in 2 days. he is the only one who drinks it. he dosent eat much  unles i make it for him. i have almost quit fixing food for him and am trying to make him feed him self. then he farts alot all the time no matter where we are.  we cant go out to eat cause as soon as he eats he has to poop. no joke not even 30 min after eating, sometimes while he is eating, he will go in and poop for 20-30 min, it is loud and stinky. it is super discusting. he comes out and i make him go back in and  spray room freshiner and turn the fan on. my daughter was having her 20th b-day party at our house and he went in and "camped out" then when he finaly came out it made the whole house stink  we have a small 860sqft home. 2 bedroom 1 bath. so the house gets damaged. the bathroom is condemed for  20+ min after he has been in there. i have had to pee out in the back yard many times because it stinks so bad in there  it makes me gag. so if we are out eating we have to eat quick and leave so he can come home and poop.  it is so anoying and discusting. he seems to think that after he comes out that everything is just fine. there were times that i was in bed and he would go in and camp  then come to bed and think that after hearing him do all of that  i would want to have sex with him.  not only is the mouth breathing, snoring, poop sesions, fatness, man boobs, argumentitive, yelling, laziness, i can find much more anoying things with him. the sex is lame and not  very often ( my choice)  with the sex he cums with in 2-5 min NO JOKE and  i usualy dont come at all. his big belly gets in the way of  having any intimacy. well so now i have to stop bitching for now. i think that maybe some day i wil have something to say that is not bitching. looking forward to that day. lol. 

 most of my postings will be basically bitching about my home life, or work. i am newly married and it sucks. what was i thinking? i could have continued to be single and just kept things the way they had been for 19 yrs. after the  honeymoon  things  suck. we got home and he is not the man he presented himself to be. most of our relationship he was gone to afghanistan so 18 months  was not like we were dating. yes we talked every day mostly on-line sometimes on the phone. we had known each other for 13 yrs as friends/ co-workers  before we started dating.  we even lived together  for 5 months before the marriage. every thing was good and the same until we got home.  no joke when they say the honeymoon is over. we are supposed to be happy still. the same week we got home it all started. and it has been a down ward spiral every day after.  we talk about stuff.... ok i talk he cries... i don't yell, i don't cuss, i try not to say things to upset him but it seems everything does. as i put more writings in here it hopefully help me deal better because i will have a way of venting. i don't want to bitch to my friends/ family about him  that will only make him look like an idiot and i will look like a demanding bitch.  so that is what brings me here. a space to vent. kinda in private. somewhere he can't read  and get all upset and go cry to his parents, then have them knocking on my door trying to pick a fight. actually at this point if i could afford to live alone i would be all over it.  i cant sleep in my bed... yes my bed.. it was mine before we met and it will be mine after. i sleep on the couch. he snoooorrrrsss sooo freeking loud, i can hear him when he is in the bedroom with the door closed and i am in the living room and have the tv on. he has ptsd and is violent when he sleeps that is one more reason i cant sleep with him. we don't have sex, more so my choice, cause he has gained so much weight he has a huge belly and man boobs is super white and hairy. not liking that at all. yes he had some color, less hair, no belly or boobs, before. the weight gain is the cause for the bad snoring. he has become a mouth breather from the weight gain and has to have the tv up loud all the time cause he can't hear it over his own noise. ok i need to go for now  he keeps trying to see what i am writing.. good night..

Current Location: oregon
Current Mood: frustrated